I found this article by Melanie Benson Strick in my email box the other day, and it really hit home on how some basic every day pressures can be caused by simple correctable habits. Since it is so easy to become tolerant and eventually fall of the rails, is it important to remember that it can easily be corrected. Here is her words:
Tolerations are situations that you are putting up with – and the cost is extra frustration, unnecessary effort and a drain on your most precious resource – your energy. By resolving tolerations, you free up space in your life to focus on the results that matter most to you.
But here’s the crazy part – most of the time we aren’t consciously aware that toleration is taking a toll on our momentum as an entrepreneur. Toleration tends to linger in one of the back rooms of our brain. So when you are ready to take a big leap, that toleration is there to cast a shadow of doubt on your capability. Often tolerations act like the holes in a sieve – as you try to build up your business results, your energy and focus seem to get pulled into unnecessary distractions over and over again.
Here are a few of the most surprising (and common) tolerations that I’ve worked with my clients on over the years. By simply becoming aware now of the impact that toleration is having on your progression, you can quickly begin to diffuse its power over you.
Probably the most common for any creative person, if you start a project then get distracted and move on to something else, there will usually be a pull to go back and finish it. Our minds don’t like “open loops” when something is started but not finished. If the project had special meaning or value to you, that driving need to finish it will be even more intense.
Not all projects should be finished as many of our bright ideas aren’t really supposed to be completed. The key is to recognize what you need to create an action plan to complete and which ideas should just be released from your mind as an incomplete.
Have you ever left a conversation on a bad note and later you wish you had done things differently? This is one of the most energy draining issues of them all – but this type of toleration can be anything from a late tax return to a way overdue doctor’s appointment. Unresolved issues become a major distraction to your ability to focus on your goals when the monkey-mind kicks in and starts to ruminate about the state of the situation – often causing you to feel remorse, doubt, worry, or fear.
The best way to beat this kind of toleration is to tackle the situation head on – schedule a time to deal with the situation. Sometimes you have to pull up your big kid panties and just do what is IMMENSELY uncomfortable but it’s worth it (especially when you discover you made it way worse in your head than it really is.)
A Too Long “Should” List
During my coach training; we had a little saying, “Stop shoulding on yourself.” Many of us pile on a very big list of things we thinking we SHOULD do in order to be more successful, beautiful, rich or even to be a better parent or spouse. Often that should list is mighty overwhelming, massively unrealistic and only causes you to feel horrible about your progress.
Instead of focusing on what you should be doing, start committing to actions that move you closer to your goals. Be willing to let go of perfection and replace it with making progress – even if it’s a tiny baby step.
Other People’s Expectations
A sister toleration to the “should” list, taking on other people’s expectations can often lead you to resentment. Whether it’s your spouse, business partner or your parents, their expectations of you are not necessarily aligned with your truth. When you allow their needs, priorities and requirements to dictate your choices and goals, it’s easy to lose your way and become a version of yourself that you do not enjoy.
If you fall into this trap, this can be a tough one and you might need a coach to help you break the cycle. A first step is to reconnect to what’s important for YOU – then do some mindset rewiring to deepen your own beliefs and actions.
Always being in a Rush
Now this one might just seem helpful, right? You’ve got way more to do than you can possibly get done so if you hustle and really push yourself, you can accomplish more. I’m all for being more productive but there’s a big difference between constantly keeping a frenetic pace versus being efficient at high speed.
Being in a rush uses adrenaline. If this is a constant state of operation for you, your body will eventually develop fatigue, adrenal burn out and potentially chronic illness. Being in a rush is a symptom of something else – usually a limiting belief around not enough or a bad habit of not planning better. To fix this toleration, you’ll want to fix the root of the cause.
No, I don’t mean the kind of vampire you see in the movies. I’m talking about the kind of person who is so toxic that they drain you dry every time you talk with them. From chronic complainers to negative naysayers determined to bring you down, if you allow people like this to spend time with you it will make for a difficult journey.
Learn to recognize energy vampires and eliminate (or at least minimize) the time you spend with them. Be willing to set strong boundaries around conversation topics so you can keep your mental health when with them.
Even though there are over 100 types of toleration, this one seems to be a zinger for entrepreneurs. Feeling constrained around money has a direct correlation to your degree of stress. When you are highly stressed, especially around finances, your ability to make good decisions is compromised. Trying to grow your business while under money constraints, whether self-imposed or a result of business dealings, is excruciating.
And, most importantly, when you know you need to make an investment in a team member, coach or marketing strategy but you don’t believe you have the money to make that happen, it can feel defeating.
Believe it or not, many of your money constraints may very well be a symptom of an ineffective Money DNA Blueprint.
Identifying and removing tolerations from your life requires three things:
- A Game Plan
Remember that awareness without a game plan will just cause you to feel MORE overwhelmed. Create a simple game plan where you prioritize which tolerations are having the greatest impact on your ability to focus, and then put action steps in your calendar. Work the process – and remember to have patience. These tolerations didn’t happen overnight. The removal of them won’t either.
Thanks to Melanie for the great post.
“Don’t worry – be patient”